A real friend is one who walks in when the rest of the world walks out. Anon
The basic key is to just be friendly! No mystery, but also no hidden agenda, no hooks and barbs.
We all are drawn to people who like us. There may be some people who like us who we don’t like in return. But on the other hand, it’s hard to like someone if they don’t seem to like you.
Some people just naturally make others feel liked and appreciated.
Analytical is an excellent personality trait to have in many ways. It – well, obviously – helps you analyze situations and make more informed decisions. It helps you see through confusing issues and zero in on what matters.
But by it’s very nature, being analytical also means being critical.
Most people are sensitive to criticism, and although by analyzing someone’s behavior you are not necessarily “judging” them, if they are aware that you are analyzing, they will likely feel judged.
Analytical shows in the sharp V formations at the baseline. The more you have the more you are inclined to analyze.
So when dealing with people, be aware of this tendency, and try to put it on hold at least with regard to the person or people with whom you are at that moment interacting with.
And more than that.
If you voice criticism of others, the people to whom you are speaking are likely to be wondering what criticism you will be giving of them to others too.
Someone who is more reserved may not come across as particularly friendly initially. They like to get to know people before they open up.
This can show in various ways in writing, since it can have various causes, but one of the most common is the writer with the left-hand slant. This is the writer who holds things in and when speaking with them you can often feel that. If this is you, by making a definite effort to be more forthcoming can relax tensions with others.
There are also more aggressive, no-nonsense people who don’t have much time for the softer skills or “People Skills”.
Aggression in handwriting is considered a positive trait when it is mild and only takes on the general English understanding of being belligerent when it is strong.
Aggressiveness, or “enterprising” as the milder version may be called, shows in the returning loops of j, y, and g swinging directly over to the right, rather than forming a loop to the left of the stem. This does not apply to the “q” which is normally written that way.
If you think you may fit into this second category, even occasionally, then this article may help you improvise until it flows more naturally.
Here are some tips to help you.
1. Smile! Unless the topic of the conversation or the situation is obviously unsuitable, smile. It makes the difference between the message of “I like you” and “I am not happy to be here.”
I have witnessed the softening of the hardest of hearts by a simple smile. Goldie Hawn
2. Show your appreciation for who they are and what they do.
Some people feel that to show appreciation for someone else is admission that they themselves don’t have whatever it is they’re appreciating in the other person. Not true. That is an insecurity.
It’s the same insecurity that taken to greater lengths, results in the person who has to put others down to make themselves feel good. Don’t be one of them.
You can show honest, open appreciation for another person without reducing your own worth one whit. In fact, you increase your own worth in that you are now a person who helps build up others. This is using people skills.
Appreciation can make a day, even change a life. Your willingness to put it into words is all that is necessary. Margaret Cousins
3. Don’t criticize others. Don’t put them down, and don’t moan and groan about them, either to their face, or to others. Keep your gripes to yourself and practice just letting them go.
Sharing your complaints will not help you make friends, and keeping them bottled up inside will only frustrate you. Let them go.
People ask for criticism, but they only want praise. W. Somerset Maugham
Criticism is the disapproval of people, not for having faults, but having faults different from your own. Anon.
It has been said that what we dislike most in others is usually something we have ourselves… food for thought.
We are interested more in ourselves that in any other human being. When we meet someone who talks endlessly about themselves, we quickly lose interest. But when we meet someone who is interested in us, we can talk for hours … after all, we’re on our favorite subject!
Most of us understand that someone asking questions about us, only want so much information, and have the good sense not to talk for hours. But the fact that we could, and would probably very much enjoy ourselves, is a sure indication that we, like everyone else, love to talk about ourselves.
So to make someone else happy, get them talking about themselves.
You are showing people skills in asking. Your conversation partner is showing people skills in limiting the amount of information he or she imparts!
4. Use active listening skills as they talk. Nod, smile, ask questions to get them to expand on something they’ve said, or to explain it more. Not an interrogation, but a friendly and sincere interest.
Listening, not imitation, may be the sincerest form of flattery. Dr. Joyce Brothers
A common mistake is to make a mental connection between what the other person is saying and something in your own life, and at the first possible opportunity, start to tell them about your experience. As soon as you do that you have stopped listening.
If you find you have done this (and it’s a very natural thing to do) turn it right back to them again, by saying something like “but that is me, tell me more about…”
Look at your circle letters, the o, a and the circle part of g and d. Are the circles closed or is there an opening somewhere in them?
Circle letters are like your mouth.
If they are open you talk. If they are closed, you listen.
If most of your circle letters are open, make a determined effort to listen to others without interrupting.
There are people, who, instead of listening to what is being said to them, are already listening to what they are going to say themselves. Albert Guinon
Use your people skills to keep listening. You will get your chance to talk later (perhaps with someone else.)
5. Listen to the language that the other person is using.
Are they using some particular type of terminology or jargon that you are familiar with? If so, use it too.
What type of language are they speaking in? Are they using “feeling” language (I felt, I loved, I felt discouraged etc), or do they use “thinking” language (I thought, I analyzed, I worked out, I knew)? Try responding in a similar way, either emotional or logical, to match their style.
Here is a chance, for those of you with the sharp V formation at the base of your writing, to use your analytical ability in a positive way.
If you talk to a man in language he understands, that goes to his head. If you talk to him in his own language, that goes to his heart. Nelson Mandela
Part of using people skills is to relate to your conversation partner, and how to do that is to use their language.
You will undoubtedly have heard that using a person’s name in conversation is a good way to remember is again. It is also a great way to forge a connection.
6. When you use someone’s name you personalize the conversation. It is the difference between a letter starting “Dear Ruth” and “To whom it may concern.” (Assuming your name was Ruth…) which would you prefer to receive?
People skills never involve using “to whom it may concern!”
7. Make the person you are talking to feel that they are, at this moment in time, the most important person in the world to you.
I remember when I was in college, I was chatting with a friend at her home, when her phone rang. I expected her to answer it, and asked eventually “Aren’t you going to answer your phone?” Her answer was “No, I’m speaking to you just now. I can talk to whomever that was later.” At that moment I felt like the most important person in the world – and yet it was such a simple thing.
Make your conversation partners feel important, listened to, liked and appreciated. It’s how to like and be liked.
And it’s the secret to having great people skills.
If you want to win friends, make it a point to remember them. If you remember my name, you pay me a subtle compliment you indicate that I have made an impression on you. Remember my name and you add to my feeling of importance. Dale Carnegie
Here is a very neat book I discovered on the Secrets of Lucky People! Fun to read and very useful.
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